I have always been greatly blessed. Sometimes I feel overly blessed or not worthy of the blessings I have received. Growing up I had a best friend that was not a member of the Church. When I was weak and wanted to slip up she helped me hold tight to the iron rod even though she didn't believe. Then I look at my siblings and many of their member friends tried to get them to fall off the path and to do things that are not good. I didn't understand why I was so blessed.
Then I went off to college and I met a girl that forever changed my life. We became inseparable and she saved me in many ways. I didn't understand why I was blessed with her in my life. We were able to marry best friends and while we live almost across the country from each other whenever we get together it seems as though there has been no time.
While in Logan one of my dear friend's babies passed away due to SIDS. At the time Kira was 4 months old. I couldn't understand why I was spared when my friend had to suffer. For months Arik and I checked on Kira constantly through out the day and night. Why was I spared I didn't understand?
Just this week a lady in our ward and my visiting teaching companion lost her husband. It was shocking, and unexpected and he was so young. Why I am spared when she has to suffer and raise 4 kids 9, 7, 2 and 8 months all by herself?
Everyone always says that Heavenly Father only gives us obstacles that we can overcome. Am I weak? I am not saying that I would ever want anything like this to ever happen to me and for the last few nights I wake up and put my hand on Arik just to make sure that he is alive. Last night Brookelyn came in and couldn't sleep, for the first time in years I let one of the kids in bed with me. So now I wonder if I am not strong enough to face one of these challenges.
Why again was I spared? I don't know exactly how to expressed my sadness and ache for this family and why I feel so sad for having my family intact.
I know that in a few months this will pass and once in a while I will feel it all over but for now I have to ask why me?
Can we be overblessed and so undeserving? Even I give into my kids sometimes when they don't really deserve it so surly the Father does so also.
2 comments:
Hey cousin, a couple of thoughts... I think "when times are good" we are supposed to be the Savior's hands in helping those going through hell. Selflessly sacrificing to help those in need brings growth to the giver and is often a life saver to the receiver. As for earth shaking, tough trials... don't worry, you'll get your chance :) D&C says we will all be tried, even as Abraham... Not always a fun thought, but the growth often means growing pains. We love ya.
Weenie- Dear sister you are very very strong. I think that you could take a lot more than you think you can. I saw the pain in your eyes when you first heard. I think that you are a very strong spirit and that is why things happen around you because the Lord expects you to lift the others. He speaks through your actions of love and kindness. Think of all the small and simple things you do out of love and kindness that are simply the Lord instructions to build those around you. The fact is you listen. And because you listen He knows he can count on you to encircle his children in the arms of His love!
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